Lessons in Theocracy Living
As a fallen fundamentalist minister it has come to my attention that many of you are sourly in need of help in adjusting to our new Theocracy. There are several news items in the last week that you may have developed an inadequate response towards. Here are some lessons that if taken to heart will help you “blend” into the masses and insure your chances of not being discovered:
Lesson #1
Helpful phrases to use in our fundamentalist state: “Praise God” , “Yes I am born again” , “I was saved (supply convincing date)” , “We serve an awesome God” , “God created this world in six literal days”, “Let’s pray about that”, “Let’s add him/her to our prayer list (referring to anyone not living the lifestyle)” , “God hates the sin but loves the sinner.” Also learn some catchy gospel tunes to hum while in public places
Lesson # 2
A Man tries to convert lions to Jesus, and gets bitten http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/ why God didn’t protect him.
This guy has it all wrong. Samson with his bare hands “tore the lion asunder“ (Judges chapter 14). Daniel was thrown into the lions den by Darius the Mede (Daniel chapter 6). These are stories in the Old Testament, both these biblical figures were Jews not Christians. From the New Testament we find that Christians no longer fight animal lions because in 1 Peter 5:8 we are told to: “Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” We fight against the Devil himself. We are much stronger than the Jews. This man denied his Christian faith seeking a weaker Jewish faith and that’s why God did not and could not help him.
Lesson #3
“Texas Board of Ed member says health textbooks should define marriage as between man and woman” http://famulus.msnbc.com/famulusgen/ap11-05-012019.asp?t=apnew&vts=11520040913
Correct response - We are truly blessed to have leaders guided by the hand of God. As we draw together in the holy brotherhood, learning from one another, may the light of heaven shine on us.
Lesson #4
Lawsuit challenges disclaimer stating evolution is ‘theory, not fact’ http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6434725/
Correct response - “For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day:” Exodus 20:11
Lesson #5
“Evangelicals say they led charge for GOP”
“Bush-Cheney reelection campaign was urging Christian supporters to turn over their church directories and was seeking to identify "friendly congregations" in battleground states”
“Christian activists led the charge that GOP operatives followed and capitalized upon”
“To win, Bush had to draw 4 million more evangelicals to the polls than he did in 2000”
“The rallying cry for many social conservatives was opposition to same-sex marriage. But concern about the Supreme Court, abortion, school prayer and pornography also motivated these ‘values voters.’”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6431260/
Correct response - When I meet one that is in “power” I always say: “I take time every morning to pray and study my Bible.” Then I quote my memory verse: Romans 1:26,27 “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly”
One can never show the slightest hint of compassion for "Sodomites."
From the Fallen Reverend
Viva la Theocracy
Get on Board or …
Lesson #1
Helpful phrases to use in our fundamentalist state: “Praise God” , “Yes I am born again” , “I was saved (supply convincing date)” , “We serve an awesome God” , “God created this world in six literal days”, “Let’s pray about that”, “Let’s add him/her to our prayer list (referring to anyone not living the lifestyle)” , “God hates the sin but loves the sinner.” Also learn some catchy gospel tunes to hum while in public places
Lesson # 2
A Man tries to convert lions to Jesus, and gets bitten http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/ why God didn’t protect him.
This guy has it all wrong. Samson with his bare hands “tore the lion asunder“ (Judges chapter 14). Daniel was thrown into the lions den by Darius the Mede (Daniel chapter 6). These are stories in the Old Testament, both these biblical figures were Jews not Christians. From the New Testament we find that Christians no longer fight animal lions because in 1 Peter 5:8 we are told to: “Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” We fight against the Devil himself. We are much stronger than the Jews. This man denied his Christian faith seeking a weaker Jewish faith and that’s why God did not and could not help him.
Lesson #3
“Texas Board of Ed member says health textbooks should define marriage as between man and woman” http://famulus.msnbc.com/famulusgen/ap11-05-012019.asp?t=apnew&vts=11520040913
Correct response - We are truly blessed to have leaders guided by the hand of God. As we draw together in the holy brotherhood, learning from one another, may the light of heaven shine on us.
Lesson #4
Lawsuit challenges disclaimer stating evolution is ‘theory, not fact’ http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6434725/
Correct response - “For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day:” Exodus 20:11
Lesson #5
“Evangelicals say they led charge for GOP”
“Bush-Cheney reelection campaign was urging Christian supporters to turn over their church directories and was seeking to identify "friendly congregations" in battleground states”
“Christian activists led the charge that GOP operatives followed and capitalized upon”
“To win, Bush had to draw 4 million more evangelicals to the polls than he did in 2000”
“The rallying cry for many social conservatives was opposition to same-sex marriage. But concern about the Supreme Court, abortion, school prayer and pornography also motivated these ‘values voters.’”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6431260/
Correct response - When I meet one that is in “power” I always say: “I take time every morning to pray and study my Bible.” Then I quote my memory verse: Romans 1:26,27 “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly”
One can never show the slightest hint of compassion for "Sodomites."
From the Fallen Reverend
Viva la Theocracy
Get on Board or …
posted by Bobby at 9:03 AM
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