Stashing Up for the Second Term

Cartagena, Colombia - November 22, 2004 - After realizing that four more years in the Oval Office would require holding another handful of Press Conferences, President Bush stopped off in Colombia for a few hours on Monday to pick up a brick of nose candy to make his occasional squaring off with the media's most obedient eunuchs more tolerable. The President's visit was accompanied by 15,000 Colombian security forces, backed by warplanes, helicopters, battleships, and two submarines, who were all tasked with preventing the media from pointing out that the Drug War is killing people, costing boatloads of money, and not working.

As Bush settled into the private meeting room with Colombian leader Alvaro Uribe, he quickly got down to business. Reaching into his coat pocket, Bush pulled out a Frequent Smuggler Stamp Book that he found while rummaging through his father's old CIA files. "Got a freebie comin' my way, Alfonso," he said.

Uribe looked at the book of stamps and replied, "These guys have been out of power for 25 years, I'm not honoring this. And it's Alvaro, jackass."

After some negotiating, Uribe agreed to honor the stamp book, but only after Bush agreed to loan him his Presidential Yacht for the month of August, a time when Bush just walks aimlessly around his ranch.