Come to Jesusland!

As Pat Robertson desperately tries to save his Jesusland project after telling the world that Ariel Sharon was struck down by God, we've discovered a list of some of the planned attractions for the future theme park:

Bill Bennett's Arcade - Win prize tickets playing games with very poor odds. Top prize is Bill Bennett's "The Book of Virtue."

Trent Lott's "It's a White World" ride - Take a gondola ride through a world where Strom Thurmond won the 1948 Presidential race.

Pat Robertson's Shooting Range - Fire pellet guns at your least favorite world leaders for giant stuffed yellow elephants.

Karl Rove's Spin Machine - Ride the roller coaster that takes you on more twists and loops than you can handle. Afterwards, you'll understand how Jesus supports both torture and unquestioned Republican power so that there will be no more dictators who torture people. (people with weak stomachs should not ride)

Neal Horsley's Petting Zoo - Uhh...don't take the kids in there.

Jerry Falwell's Haunted House - Wander through a maze of fright, including a gay wedding, a classroom learning about evolution, a stem-cell lab, and a WalMart greeter wishing you "Happy Holidays."

Tim Lahaye's End Times Exhibit - Be amazed as you watch footage of prominent Evangelicals explain in the 90s that the anti-Christ will be a man who rises from the most powerful government in the world, makes a pact with the Jews and then betrays them, and eventually brings about the destruction of Israel. (for the Israeli visitors, this will be the Haunted House)